Ten Jokes For The Road

When I was a teacher, there were two ways to end the class:

  • Teach until the bell rang, and have the kids scramble to get to their next class in 3 minutes; or
  • Stop a minute early and let them get ready to leave.

I was known to do both, depending on what I was teaching. But, on the days when we had a minute to spare, my students were charged with making me laugh. A good joke, especially a science joke, was their ticket out of my room before the bell. (That was actually frowned upon, but the kids never went too far because they were listening to the others jokes.)

But there were rules. (Of course there were rules. We were in school.) No profanity. Nothing derogatory, sexist, racists, blond-ist, etc. Here’s a few I jotted down in case I ever needed them.

Warning: I have a tenth grade sense of humor, which I am proud of. (So do you, if you laugh at any of these keepers.)

1. Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words.

2. Q: What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.

3. A mom texts, “Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?” He texts back, “I Don’t Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.” The mom texts him, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister. Love you, too.”

4. Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

5. I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

6. If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.

7. A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”
The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?'”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

8. Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Student: “HIJKLMNO.”
Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
Student: “Yesterday you said it’s H to O!”

9. A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer.
“Nope,” replied the man.
“OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

10. A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, “You can stay, but don’t try to start anything.”

I would adore it if you would take the time to share your favorite joke here so I can add to my collection.

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