I recently read a statistic that just blew my mind:
“If parenting feels like too much sometimes, you’re not alone. In fact, a recent U.S. Surgeon General advisory revealed that 41% of parents feel so stressed they can’t function.”
Usually I verify numbers before I share them, but I didn’t bother with this one. The number, although incredibly huge, is not what caught my attention. It was the qualifier, “parents feel so stressed they can’t function.”
The state of our country is such that not being able to function as a parent has actually become something measurable… and that they are actually bothering to measure it!
I can’t help but wonder what percentage of those Paralyzed Parents try to hide their paralysis from the world? I know I hid my self-perceived shortcomings as a mom because I was ashamed of them. I foolishly believed that I was the only inadequate parent on the block… and yet, my darling daughter turned out great.
What Does that Mean to You?
Let’s pretend for a moment that the statistic has been verified, and that it is representative of your demographic. And, let’s assume for a moment that the 41% figure is absolutely true. What does it all mean?
I’ll break it down for you. If your child is in a classroom of 20 students, statistically 8 of their parents feel so stressed they can’t function.
That leaves 12 other parents. (Including you?) Does that mean the other dozen are rocking parenthood?
That would be nice, but this is not an either-or criterion, where you’re either a Paralyzed Parent, or you’re not. Every parent falls somewhere on an emotional parenting spectrum, a type of gradient that ranges from the Supremely Confident to the Frozen in Place… further complicated by their self-perceived position on this self-perceived spectrum can change daily. (Hourly?)
To continue, let’s suppose, just for haha’s, that half of the other parents are Supremely Confident. That still leaves another half dozen who are riding the Rollercoaster of Stress.
Let’s not minimize the gray area here.
With 8 parents feeling so stressed they can’t function, and 6 more parents trying to hang on as the Rollercoaster of Stress shakes them up and whips them about, that means 14 out of 20 people are constantly struggling a with parenthood. Oh, and by the way, they’re the ones parenting your child’s peers.
Thank goodness the classroom culture maintains balance through the other 6 Supremely Confident parents, right? (Just kidding.)
That Supremely Confident Parent, and Other Myths
Myth #1 Every day with children brings the potential for something new — something good, something uncomfortable, something wondrous, something problematic, something funny, something erroneous… there’s no way to anticipate everything that could possibly happen.
Reality Check: Why would those Supremely Confident parents be supremely confident in the face of all those inevitable parenting situations coming down the pike?
They’re not. They just look like they are. Those 6 “Supremely Confident” parents are actually only “Apparently Supremely Confident”… to you. They mask their own worries and issues, just like everyone else.
Myth #2 When my daughter was little, I was supremely confident that parenting would be oh so much easier once she reached middle school, an age I had actually taught. I was just holding out those first 10 years. After she reached her double digit years, that supreme confidence didn’t do much for me once I realized that teaching other people’s middle schoolers was not the same as parenting my own.
Myth #3 When you successfully hide your burdens, the world thinks you don’t have any, and treats you accordingly. That includes…
- asking more things of you
- expecting you to shine in ways for which you are not equipped
- feeling like you have nothing in common with you because they all have burdens
Hello, isolation…
We’re not talking “commiserating” here; just simple, friendly conversation about how life is going. You know… the foundation of common ground.
A Parenting Solution
All parents do better with support, especially moms who typically shoulder most of the responsibility of childrearing. The moms who truly have it more together most likely have some kind of support system in place.
If you want to improve the environment around your child, conversation with the other parents can be very supportive. It’s the key to unmasking myths that shame us into remaining apart. Good conversation can dissolve statistics.
Try talking to the other moms. Step past the polite greeting, and delve deeper. Ask what kind of challenge they faced this week. Or, ask them which worries keep resurfacing. Then share yours, and ask if they have any solutions.
If you don’t feel comfortable being that direct, try sharing this blog post with them, and ask them what they think about the statistic. Then, let the conversation flow where it will.
Everything I do is geared toward supporting the relationship between parents and their kids. I hope this article gave you an aha moment or two. You’re already doing better than you think, Mama!
Happily,
Deborah
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I’m always looking for more content to share with you. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
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More soon. Wishing you and yours health and happiness,
Deborah Ann Davis
Parenting Strategist Extraordinaire
About the Author
Hi There! And, Welcome!
I’m Deborah Ann Davis, and I’ve been at this for over three decades, first as a high school teacher, and now as a parenting strategist within The Awesome Mom Tribe. I’m into sharing tons of techniques that put you in touch with yourself, despite all that negative energy out there.
On a personal note, I’m all about bird-watching, rock-collecting, picture-taking and science-geeking. I have a wonderful husband and we have an incredible daughter (objectively speaking, of course). Basically, with all its ups and downs, I love my life!
The Secret to a Healthy Life: Laugh Every Day!
