Awesome Advice for Moms on Re-connecting with Your Post Pandemic-Panic Teenagers (Part 1)

A couple of years ago, the entire planet was panicking over the realization that Covid-19 was sweeping through our population. Today’s teenagers were pulled out of middle school. Parents and teachers alike scrambled to continue their education while wondering about their own safety.

Eventually, most of our kids returned to high school, but without the feeling of invincibility normally associated with youth, and without the typical socialization of junior high. So much had changed in their lives, like school, social gatherings, outings, etc. Their norm was uncertainty and trepidation about the future, compounded by their interrupted middle school social skills steering high school bodies and brains.

Although today’s society is much more casual about the virus, many teens don’t feel as safe as they did prior to it. Instead, they are anxious, overwhelmed and disconnected from the world around them. Now, more than ever, our daughters and sons need strong parent-child relationships to help keep them grounded and feeling safe.

Do you still have that How To Manual that came with your child? No? Maybe I can help. This is one of the more common inquiries I get when moms are facing their parenting challenges.

An Awesome Mom’s Question

Dear Deborah,

How can parents work to re-connect and build-up their relationships with their teens who are struggling through this post-COVID era? How do we promote positive mental health during this touchy age? Are there things I can do to make my daughter feel emotionally safer and more secure?

Awesome Advice for Moms of Post-Pandemic-Panic Teenagers

Tip #1: Let It Go!

Address the uncertainty of what this school year holds. Eventually, you should tell your daughter that the best way to handle worry is to let go of the things you cannot control. When the school decides what to do, they’ll tell you, and you’ll do it. If that doesn’t work out, they will make a new plan, they’ll tell you what it is, and guess what? You’ll do it. Nothing you say or do is going to change that situation (unless, of course, you’re the principal) so let it go. Focusing on it will only make you anxious and worried. That will add to the anxiety of your teen.

Wait. Did you think I was talking about your daughter? Nope. Not yet. It has to start with you.

Once you orient yourself to focus on things you actually can control, and after you begin to model letting the rest go, then you can talk to your daughter about doing the same.

Say something like, “We both know this school year may not be normal, but I want you to know, we got this. Whatever the school throws at us, we will figure out how to handle it. Until then, don’t worry about it. I got your back. So, go ahead and make today count. Let the rest go. Our job is to learn to be flexible. We’ll deal with tomorrow together when it comes.”

It’s never too late to hold this conversation. Even if school has already begun, have at it!

Tip #2: Conversation Is The Key

Casually talk to your daughter as often as you can. Conversation is the key to

● a good relationship

● understanding the world around her

● figuring out how she fits in to her world

● the exploration of new thoughts and ideas

The more mothers interact in a positive manner with their daughters, the more understood they will feel. The more they feel like you get them, the more they will trust you to have their backs. The more they trust you, the more they’ll open up to you, even when the conversation is about a difficult subject.

Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. If you don’t share ideas regularly, left to her own devices, your daughter will solve issues in a way that makes sense to her undeveloped teenage brain, or follow the advice of her peers’ undeveloped teenage brains. Then, when your developed adult brain disagrees with her choices, you end up with conflict instead of conversation. 

When these disagreements are unexpected for her (regardless of how inevitable this outcome is to you), the negative situation makes her feel misunderstood, and instills doubt in how she’s handling herself. The more this happens, the less she’ll feel like you understand her. If you don’t get her, she’ll feel isolated from you, and trust you less and less when it comes to having her back. She won’t want to have heart-to-heart chats because you won’t understand her anyway, and she’ll just feel worse afterward.

That’s why conversation is the key, whether you are maintaining a good relationship, or repairing one… and they can be repaired. Just start by telling her that’s what your intention is.

I’ll share two more tips in my next post, Awesome Advice for Moms on How to Re-connect with Your Post Pandemic-Panic Teenagers. Until then, you got this, Mama!

Have fun with your kids today!

Happily,

Deborah


Hey Moms!

For even more Parenting Strategies, sign up for my monthly newsletter, Merry Meddling.

You can also find a lot more in-depth information on this topic in my book, How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door.


Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Are you overwhelmed or frustrated with your role as a parent? Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting coach and strategist who can help you sort things out.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother, and as an educator. Over the years, she has helped hundreds of families, using her expertise and experience.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” parenting route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.


LadyTime Podcast: How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming Doors, Talking to Deborah Ann Davis

Looking for something specific? Use the timestamps:

00:47 Middle Age Motherhood

4:13 “How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door” and How To Handle School Dances

10:12 “Perfect Mom” versus “Awesome Mom”

14:30 Personality Styles and Relationships

31:50 Scheduling Self-Care

36:00 How To Get Your Happy On

45:18 Using “How To Get Your Happy On” in Middle Age




Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting strategist and coach.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has helped hundreds of families over the years, using her experience – as an educator and a mother. She has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother and an educator.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.

Teenage Tantrums? Venn Diagrams to the Rescue

Not all teenage girls fly off the handle, or blow things out of proportion. But Mom, if you happen to be living with your very own human rollercoaster, it can be very difficult to find resolution for many topics, and especially the more volatile subjects.

Deborah’s Sage Parent Coaching Advice…

The good news is parents can use the Venn Diagram to reduce the number of arguments in your home. It worked for me and mine, so, when applied correctly, I know it can work for you and yours.


Use the valiant Venn Diagram whenever you have a choice to make together, or when you have differing opinions. Draw the two circles, designating one for you and one for her. Then brainstorm.

As the ideas spill from your lips, and your daughter’s, separate the ones she’s not keen on from the ones that curdle your cream by placing them into their designated spheres.

When Do You Use This Parenting Strategy, Mom?

Put the awesome ones you both enjoy into the splendiferous Section C. If she wrote something that you like, add it to the Section C pile (and vice versa). Now you can focus on the items in that saucy Section C. It’s your very own common ground. Use it to choose and activity to do together, and Voila! The positive vibes it creates will bolster your relationship!

When Do You Use This Parenting Strategy, Mom?

Here are 6 topics that you can explore together once you lay the groundwork:

  • What she should be allowed to wear
  • How much makeup is appropriate
  • Hemlines and necklines
  • Food and beverage intake
  • Movies, music and books
  • Dating, parties and socializing

You are both going to love the great and powerful Venn Diagram! It’s wonderful if you’ve been banging heads, because your child will feel heard by you. Great interactions lead to greater understanding of each other.

You can find a ton more ideas and strategies in my book, How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door(available everywhere).

Here’s a free printable copy of the Valuable Venn Diagram.

Remember: Building a good relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. Use the Venn Diagram in good health! 


Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Are you overwhelmed or frustrated with your role as a parent? Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting coach and strategist who can help you sort things out.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother, and as an educator. Over the years, she has helped hundreds of families, using her expertise and experience.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” parenting route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.


Ways to Parent with the Venn Diagram

An Awesome Mom’s Solution to
Teenage Crop Tops and Revealing Clothing

It might not seem like the minor skirmishes between mothers and daughters carry much weight, especially when you’re looking at the major problems (like sex and drugs). Nevertheless, don’t underestimate those small irritating moments, because if you accumulate enough of them, synergistically their negative effects compound, even if they’re not related.

However, what do you think would happen if you could convert one daily tussle of wills into a cooperative interaction? How do you think that would impact your relationship over the course of a month?

Before you say that changing one thing a day won’t amount to much, think about this. Not only would you be eliminating one hassle a day, you’d be adding a moment where You Reach an Agreement Every Day!

Over time, you’d be demonstrating for your tween or teen that:

  • you actually can get along (in certain situations)
  • you don’t just “always want to say NO
  • you respect their opinions, even when yours differs
  • when they handle things right, you can be pretty cooperative

While you’re busy chipping away at negative interactions and expectations, you’ll also be chipping away at the negative foundation they create, the one that props up the big arguments about major teenage issues (The Inevitables). Those problems won’t disappear, but they will be easier to address because you’ll have a stronger foundation to fall back on.

An Awesome Mom’s Question

Dear Deborah,

What if my teenage daughter and I don’t get along? What if it seems like every time I approach her, she gets moody or sullen, or we end up arguing, especially over clothing? How can I improve our relationship?

Advice for Awesome Moms on Teaching Kids to Negotiate Gracefully

Welcome to the versatile Venn Diagram, that splendiferous, fabulously perfect illustration of Common Ground. It’s a graphic used to clarify differences and similarities, and in the right hands, can teach your kids how to negotiate gracefully.

Math uses them.

Science uses them.

And now, Awesome Moms like you can parent with them!

The Revered Venn Diagram

Circle A represents your choices. Circle B represents your daughter’s choices. 

Circle A choices makes her roll her eyes and throw her hands up in frustration.

The choices in Circle B make your teeth grind.


But the intersection of those two circles at the splendid Section C, that overlapping of your two worlds, that is where the magic happens. 

Section C is your friend. 

Section C consists of the choices you both love.

Section C is the magical realm of Everybody Wins, void of conflict and competition. 

Section C is where relationships are skirmish-free, and conflict goes to die. 

Section C saved my daughter and myself from many a temper tantrum. (And I don’t just mean hers!)

I LOVE Section C of This Parenting Tool!

I first realized I was going to need some kind of clothes-shopping strategy when my five-year-old began arguing over every outfit. She wanted ensembles that exposed her little round tummy. My mind fast-forwarded ten years to the inevitable banging of heads over crop tops and leggings, and I knew I was in trouble.

One day I was using this graphic in my classroom to teach comparing and contrasting opposing scientific opinions. Suddenly it hit me. I could use that undervalued Venn Diagram to diffuse petty arguments when my Awesome Daughter inexplicably didn’t buy into my Awesome Opinions.

From that point forth, I always descended on the mall armed with Section C of a viable Venn Diagram. Shopping for clothes with my daughter instantly transformed from a mother-daughter battle, into a fun and pleasurable experience for the both of us.

I always began by orienting the two of us, before we left for the store, by making two circles with my fingers, and holding them up so the circles overlapped. Voila! Instant Venn Diagram visual.

“This,” I’d say, waving around my right hand, “is what I love on you. This…” I’d shake my left hand in front of her nose, “is what you love on you.”

Overlapping the two circles, I would peer at my daughter through the oval my hands created, that superb Section C. “And this is what we’re going to buy. You’re not going to argue with me, and I’m not going to argue with you, because everything in here will be something we both love.”

Yes, the sublime Section C of the venerable Venn Diagram always came to the rescue.

How Moms Can Rock the Venn Diagram

This parenting tool always worked for me and my girl, but with three caveats.

1. She had to try on everything I suggested.

2. I had to permit her to try on anything she wanted to (including crop tops).

3. There was no arguing allowed because…

• We were both entitled to our opinions.

• Arguing wasted time for both of us.

Arguing with an angry teenager is like
trying to teach a pig to sing.
The pig never learns how to sing;
and, you just end up annoying the pig.

If my daughter started fussing about a garment I was nixing, I’d just hold up my fingers to form that sassy Section C and say, “Venn Diagram, sweetie, Venn Diagram. Remember, you’re going to love everything you bring home.”

She’d calm right down. Besides, whatever it was she had been pining for was forgotten by the time her purchases were displayed on her bed for Daddy to see.

Shopping turned into something we both enjoyed doing together. And, why not? Every time we shopped, we returned home with our bundles, individually satisfied that we had each gotten our own way.

I guess you can say we both learned how to negotiate gracefully.

Here’s a free printable copy of the Venn Diagram.
Use it in good health! 

Send me an email Info@DeborahAnnDavis.com if you’d like many more ideas and strategies for bridging the gap between you and your kids, or, if you want to keep the gap from forming.

You got this, Mama!

Have fun with your kids today!

Happily,

Deborah


Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting coach and strategist.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother, and as an educator. Over the years, she has helped hundreds of families, using her expertise and experience.r.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” parenting route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.


How Did I Get Here?*

The Unexpected Journey From Teacher to Author


My mom says I’m the only person she knows who likes to pull up her roots and move. Born in Kentucky, raised in Connecticut, educated in Massachusetts and Georgia, life was good.

And then, just to put icing on a gluten-free cake, out of the blue I landed my high school sweetheart 15 years after our first kiss <sigh> so I got to move around with his job (yay!).

I am a bonafide move-aholic. In my spare time (if I had any) I try to live a sustainable life, write novels, dance, play, and laugh really hard every day. Occasionally I ask myself, How Did I Get Here?


As a high school science teacher, moving never posed a problem. I could always find employment in a new town. Good thing, because I just love teaching science. It has to be the coolest subject under the sun- environmental, biology, ecology, meteorology, astronomy, geology, oceanography- I love them all. I’ve taught high school and middle school; urban and rural; upper middle class and poverty level; Hispanics, blacks and whites; English as a second language learners and English abusers.

Scar Bearers – Deborah Ann Davis (Part 2)

00:00 Intro

1:48 Car Crash Recap and Effects

6:25 Swimming After Effects

9:10 Being in the Passenger Seat

13:04 EFT and healing the passenger seat effects

22:30 Deborah’s car accident and prom night

25:14 How the car accident changed Deborah’s perspective

26:42 *Discussion of Suicide*

29:50 *Discussion of Eating Disorders*

35:34 Deborah’s scars




Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting strategist and coach.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has helped hundreds of families over the years, using her experience as an educator and a mother. She has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother and an educator.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.

 

Scar Bearers – Deborah Ann Davis (Part 1)

2:43 How Deborah Ann Davis became an Educator

22:33 Teaching in Atlanta, Georgia

32:30 Teaching in Hartford, Connecticut

36:28 Lyme Disease and Writing

40:13 Writing “How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door” and “How To Get Your Happy On”




Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting strategist and coach.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has helped hundreds of families over the years, using her experience as an educator and a mother. She has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother and an educator.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.

Is Parent Coaching For Me? 

Make the Most of Your Efforts To Improve Your Mother-Daughter Relationship  

As a mother, you may feel distance growing between yourself and your daughter as she enters into her teenage years. Perhaps your daughter seems sad. Maybe she’s snarky and has an attitude. Possibly you struggle to get her to open up to you instead of seeking advice from her friends.


These kinds of difficulties are not unique to your particular mother-daughter relationship. Plenty of moms before you have experienced the same thing, as will plenty of mothers who will come after you. 


Regardless, you don’t have to settle for the status quo. There are plenty of ways, aside from relying on maternal instinct and common sense, to improve your situation. Sometimes, you just need an objective set of eyes to provide a different perspective to help you make the most of your efforts. to improve your Mother-Daughter Relationship.

Seek Parent Coaching For Mother-Daughter Relationships 

How would you like dozens of years of experience distilled down into strategies you can use right away? Instead of making it up as you go along, seek the help you need to improve your mother-daughter relationship.

Don’t worry if you don’t know where to start. Just contact me. If you’re new here, I’m Deborah Ann Davis, a parenting coach and strategist. If this is your first time on my blog, Merry Meddling, welcome!

As your parent coach, I’m ready to help you improve your mother-daughter relationship. With my B.S., my M.Ed. in Supervision, and my certification as a W.I.T.S. Personal Trainer, plus 27 years in the classroom, you can be sure I know my stuff when it comes to finding the perfect parenting strategies to suit your relationship (not to mention, I am a mother myself). 

Is Parent Coaching For Me? 

If you’re looking to improve your mother-daughter relationship in any way, parent coaching can speed up the process by laser-focusing your efforts. Whether you’re struggling to deal with the eye-rolling and door-slamming behaviors that characterize the teenage years, or you’re worried that your relationship with your daughter is broken somehow, I’m ready to listen to you, and eager to offer the help you need.  


Parent Coaching is for you if you’re a parent who: 

> is already banging heads with their kids 

> hasn’t started banging heads with their kids… yet!


My process is simple. We first concentrate on identifying the needs of your mother-daughter relationship, and then we prioritize them. We also look at what’s already working so you can capitalize on it. I offer strategic ideas, and you pick the ones that resonates with you to try first.


You can begin the process immediately when you book your free Clarity Consult

Bridge the Gaps Between Mothers and Daughters With Expert Parent Coaching” 




Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting coach and strategist.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother, and as an educator. Over the years, she has helped hundreds of families, using her expertise and experience.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” parenting route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.


Mothers Day In October 

Mothers, Isn’t It Time You Took a Day Off? 

The world values time off, as evidenced by the three-day weekend. Everyone knows you can’t work continuously without a break, at least, not without breaking down. So, Mothers, answer honestly – when was the last time you took some time for yourself?

IF you can remember that far back. did your “time off” do its job? Did it actually help you feel sufficiently rested, and ready to jump back into the fray?

Or, did you find you had trouble relaxing during your time off because you felt guilty for not being there for your family? 

Why Do Mothers Feel Guilty About Taking Time Off? 

Awesome Moms all over the country feel steeped in guilt when they try to do something for themselves. Why? Why do mothers expect themselves to be “on the job” 24/7, 365 days a year? After all, any other “job” would have built-in breaks that you would be expected to take.

As a mother, though, you don’t get weekends off, holidays off, or even vacations off. If anything, mothers get one day off a year – and that’s Mother’s Day. That’s gotta change, for your sake, and for your family’s sake.

What if you could learn to prioritize “me time” without feeling unnecessary, unproductive guilt? What if you celebrated Mothers Days more than once a year?

Join Me For Mothers Day In October 

Parenting Strategies

Hi, I’m Deborah Ann Davis. I’m here to help Awesome Moms like yourself realize that you not only deserve guilt-free Me Time – you need it! I’ve spent many years working with Awesome Moms, utilizing my B.S. in education, my M.Ed. in Supervision, and my certification as a W.I.T.S as a Personal Trainer, to help moms just like you navigate the world of parenting. Now, I’m ready to help you, too! 

Get Ready for Our Next Mothers Day Event 

The next Mothers Day Event I’m holding will be on October 15th! Please join me, and other like-minded Awesome Moms like yourself, as we address how to attack Mommy Guilt, bust common Parenting Myths, disarm your Inner-Critic, and evaluate your Self-Awareness! 

If you act fast, you can get early bird pricing for this one-day interactive event, by moms, for moms, and about moms. Don’t wait – you, too, can learn how to reclaim a bit of your life, along with moms who share similar struggles. Come support, and be supported by, other Awesome Moms like yourself this October. 

Enhance Your Happiness! Get Expert Parent Coaching 

I’m Deborah Ann Davis, and I’m dedicated to helping Awesome Moms like you. Don’t feel awesome? Then, you’re in the right place, because my mission is to guide moms like you, to identify what you’re already doing right, and to support the areas that may be a little weak. As a personal coach, author, educator, and speaker, I use all of my expertise to bolster your situation, and help you reclaim your Awesomeness. 

Have questions? Contact me today. Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.




Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting strategist and coach.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother, and as an educator. Over the years, she has helped hundreds of families, using her expertise and experience.


Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” route? 


Don’t forget to book your Free 30 Minute Chat.