Parenting Means Making Mistakes, and Fixing Them
I love it when someone asks me advice. For a parenting strategist like me, who has a blog called Merry Meddling, it’s like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Awesome Mom’s Question:
Hey Deborah,
My daughter is about to hit her teens. How do I know which battles to pick, and which ones to let slide? I don’t want to be too strict, and I def don’t want to be too permissive.
Time To Merrily Meddle
I’ve already discussed The Non-Negotiables in the parent-child relationship [LINK]. For now, here’s the short version:
- Health… including nutrition, drugs, sex, or alcohol.
- Safety… like, curfews, driving, or parties.
- Education… such as, anything involving homework, scheduling, and sleep.
- Adult Future… i.e., savings, graduation, jobs, and of course, future health, safety, and education.
As for The Negotiables… that list is totally up to you. If you feel comfortable allowing your kids to discuss it, when the time is right, go ahead. If you don’t feel comfortable with it, that situation belongs on The Non-Negotiables… at least until your cherub is old enough.
As for the rest, your relationship runs into three different types of obstacles:
- The Inevitables
- The Possibles
- The Surprises
To clarify, The Inevitables are DEFINITELY coming. They might hit this year, or next. Some of them may not even surface until after graduation. But, they are all definitely coming. If you think about it, you know what they are.
But, that’s okay. You can handle them because you know they’re coming. With a little preparation, which includes conversations with your kids, you can deal with The Inevitables together.
There’s also a separate, but related, set of problems, The Possibles – situations so common, every kid might experience them before they leave high school.
For example… the first crush is inevitable. So is the first break-up. Who knows when they will happen. However, prolonged suffering from the emotional aftermath is only a possibility, and possibly might not happen.
Your parent-teen team will take on whatever life brings, and you’ll do it better together.
Even handling The Surprises life throws your way will be better together.
Here’s a little homework for you.
- Make a list of The Inevitables that nearly every family faces at some point, especially those that will affect your family specifically.
- Make a second list of The Possibles that could arise in your child’s life, but may not happen before they get out of high school.
- Next to each one, jot down the circumstances and the potential outcomes.
- Then devise doable solutions.
If you do this, you will have a POWERFUL resource for handling what’s coming down the pike. Use it in good health!
Happily,
Deborah
P.S. When I was producing my upcoming course, Connecting with Kids in a Disconnected World, I had sooo much material that it began to get top-heavy. My solution? Pluck some content out and use it to answer some parenting questions.
This scenario came from my work In Module 4 – Parenting Means Making Mistakes… and Fixing Them.
I’m always looking for more content to share with you. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
More soon. Wishing you and yours health and happiness,
Deborah Ann Davis
Parenting Strategist Extraordinaire 😉
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About the Author
Hi There! And, Welcome!
I’m Deborah Ann Davis, and I’ve been at this for over three decades, first as a high school teacher, and now as a parenting strategist within The Awesome Mom Tribe. I’m into sharing tons of techniques that put you in touch with yourself, despite all that negative energy out there.
On a personal note, I’m all about bird-watching, rock-collecting, picture-taking and science-geeking. I have a wonderful husband and we have an incredible daughter (objectively speaking, of course). Basically, with all its ups and downs, I love my life!
The Secret to a Healthy Life: Laugh Every Day!
