How to Handle Clothing Clashes
I love it when someone asks me advice. For a parenting strategist with a blog named Merry Meddling, it’s like pouring gasoline on a fire.
An Awesome Mom’s Question
Every time my daughter and I go shopping, we fight over everything! What should show and what shouldn’t. Colors. Styles. Hemlines. Necklines. You name it, and we argue over it. I swear I’m going to send her to school in a paper bag! Help!
Time to Merrily Meddle
Not all teenage girls fly off the handle, or blow things out of proportion when they don’t get their way. But, if you are living with a human rollercoaster, it can be very difficult to find resolution for:
- What she should be allowed to wear
- How much makeup is appropriate
- Hemlines and necklines
- Food and beverage intake
- Movies, music and books
- Dating, parties and socializing
Powerful Parenting Strategies:
Introducing the Valuable Venn Diagram, that splendiferous, fabulously perfect illustration of Common Ground. It’s a graphic used to identify differences and similarities.
Math uses them.
Science uses them.
And now, you and the other Awesome Moms can use them.
I realized early on I was going to need some kind of clothes-shopping strategy back when my five-year-old, who wanted ensembles that exposed her little round tummy, began arguing over every outfit. My mind fast-forwarded ten years, and I knew we were in for trouble.
Then, one day the solution presented itself. I was teaching the Venn Diagram graphic to my science class, when it suddenly hit me.
I could use that undervalued Venn Diagram to diffuse petty arguments when my Awesome Daughter didn’t buy into my obviously superior opinion.
Yes, the sublime Section C of the Venerable Venn Diagram would come to my rescue. Let me explain.
- Circle A represents your choices. Circle A makes your daughter roll her eyes and wonder if you’re really related.
- Circle B represents your daughter’s choices. Circle B makes you grind your teeth and throw your hands up in frustration.
But, Awesome Moms don’t care about Circle A or Circle B, do we? It’s Section C, the intersection of those two circles, the sparkling Section C, which makes us giddy. That overlapping of your two worlds – that’s where the magic happens. Section C is your (best) friend.
- Section C is the realm of Everybody-Wins, void of conflict and competition. It consists of the choices you both love. Relationships that live in Section C are skirmish-free. It’s where conflict goes to die.
Simply put, I love Section C.
I still remember the first time I used Section C to save my daughter and myself from an inevitable shopping tantrum… on both our parts (don’t judge)… and many temper tantrums from that point on.
That weekend, I successfully sailed into the mall, armed with Section C of a Viable Venn Diagram and a wary daughter. I’m happy to say we emerged unscathed and triumphant, shopping bags banging against our legs, and grins covering our faces.
Section C instantly transformed the dreaded clothes-shopping-with-my-tween-age-daughter-fiasco into a fun and pleasurable experience. As with that first success, before we’d leave for the store, I’d always orient us by making a circle with each hand, and holding them up so the circles overlapped. Voila! Instant Venn Diagram visual.
“This,” I’d say, waving around my right hand, “is what I love on you. This…” The left hand would shake under her nose, “is what you love on you.”
“And, this…” Overlapping the two circles, I would peer at my daughter through the small oval my fingers created, that superb Section C. “This is what we’re going to buy. Everything in here will be something you love.”
And it always worked because we followed three basic rules.
- She had to try on everything I suggested.
- I had to permit her to try on anything she wanted to.
- There was no arguing allowed because
- We were both entitled to our opinions.
- Arguing wasted time for both of us.
FYI, in case you haven’t figured it out, trying to argue with an angry tween/teenager is like trying to teach a pig to sing. For all your effort, it never works, and you just end up annoying the pig.
If my daughter started fussing about a garment I was nixing, I’d simply hold up my fingers to form that sassy Section C and say, “Venn Diagram, sweetie, Venn Diagram. Remember, you’re going to love everything you bring home.”
She’d calm right down. Besides, whatever it was she had been pining for was forgotten by the time she was showing Daddy her new clothes.
Use the valiant Venn Diagram whenever you have a choice to make together*, or when you have differing opinions. Draw the two circles, designate one for you and one for her, and brainstorm. As the ideas spill from your lips, put the ones you both enjoy into the splendiferous Section C, and separate the ones she’s not keen on from the ones that curdle your cream into their designated spheres.
Then zoom in on that saucy Section C.
You are both going to love the great and powerful Venn Diagram! You can find more information on the Venn Diagram in How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door.
Get a free printable copy of the Valuable Venn Diagram here. Use it in good health! Let me know what you used it for and how it worked for you.
Happy Parenting!
Deborah
*Do not use this tool to discuss the Non-Negotiable, the topics that only parents handle (curfew, safety, education, driving, health, etc.). This tool is strictly for topics kids can appropriately weigh in on (room décor, menus, outfits, music, movies, homework schedules, etc.)
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I’m always looking for more content to share with you. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
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When mama’s in a good place, everything else falls into place.
More soon. Wishing you and yours health and happiness,
Deborah Ann Davis
Parenting Strategist Extraordinaire
About the Author
Hi There! And, Welcome!
I’m Deborah Ann Davis, and I’ve been at this for over three decades, first as a high school teacher, and now as a parenting strategist within The Awesome Mom Tribe. I’m into sharing tons of techniques that put you in touch with yourself, despite all that negative energy out there.
On a personal note, I’m all about bird-watching, rock-collecting, picture-taking and science-geeking. I have a wonderful husband and we have an incredible daughter (objectively speaking, of course). Basically, with all its ups and downs, I love my life!
The Secret to a Healthy Life: Laugh Every Day!
