The Door Slammed 4½ Years Ago: Advice to an Awesome Mom
I love it when someone asks me for advice. For a person with a blog named Merry Meddling, it’s like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Awesome Mom’s Question: “Your book* interest me greatly. In my little shared (and very closely held) story, my daughter has slammed the door. I have not communicated with her in 4.5 years. She has a grandson I have not met. It’s been devastating and a long recovery. Wishing you great success with your book.*How To Keep Your Daughter from Slamming the Door
Time To Merrily Meddle:
I’m so sorry to hear about your estrangement. That must be painful for both of you. Whatever caused the falling out between you two, exercising forgiveness, for both yourself, and for her, is the path to better health.
2 Powerful Parenting Strategies:
Why don’t you start writing to her, but in a journal?
- Tell her how you feel and what your wishes are.
- Share milestones in your life.
- Reminisce about lovely times you had together when she was growing up.
- Discuss things you would do differently in hindsight.
You’ll have this record of your love for her when you eventually (hopefully) reconcile. It will let her know how important she and her family are to you.
May I also suggest you keep another separate journal/scrapbook for your grandson?
- Prepare a birthday card for him for each year.
- Tell him about his mom when she was his age.
- Put pictures of yourself in it and tell him what life was like for you when you were his age.
- Write letters to him in the journal, telling him that the altercation with his mother has in no way dimmed the love you inherently have for him.
- Share how much you wish you could meet.
- Convey the permanence of your love for him.
Keep your letters in the journal for when you can finally can be together. It will let him know that there are two sides to every argument. He’ll be better able to understand who you are as a person, and as a family member.
Meanwhile, occasionally send your grandson funny cards in the mail. At the bottom of each one, include a little love note to your daughter.
It may not seem like much, but as you work on the two journals, you will feel a sense of family… and of healing. At the same time, you’ll be creating a contradiction – that family bonds can be very strong.
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I’m always looking for more content to share with you. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
More soon. Wishing you and yours health and happiness,
Deborah Ann Davis
Parenting Strategist Extraordinaire 😉
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About the Author
Hi There! And, Welcome!
I’m Deborah Ann Davis, and I’ve been at this for over three decades, first as a high school teacher, and now as a parenting strategist within The Awesome Mom Tribe. I’m into sharing tons of techniques that put you in touch with yourself, despite all that negative energy out there.
On a personal note, I’m all about bird-watching, rock-collecting, picture-taking and science-geeking. I have a wonderful husband and we have an incredible daughter (objectively speaking, of course). Basically, with all its ups and downs, I love my life!
The Secret to a Healthy Life: Laugh Every Day!
