Ways to Parent with the Venn Diagram

“What if my teenage daughter and I don’t get along? What if it seems like every time I approach her, she gets moody or sullen, or we end up arguing? How can I improve our relationship?”

Glad you asked!

Deborah’s Sage Parent Coaching Advice…

Welcome to the Versatile Venn Diagram, that splendiferous, fabulously perfect illustration for parents and kids of Common Ground. It’s a graphic used to clarify differences and similarities, and in the right hands, can teach your kids how to negotiate gracefully.

Math uses them.

Science uses them.

And now, Awesome Moms can parent with them!

The Revered Venn Diagram

Circle A represents your choices. Circle B represents your daughter’s choices. Circle A choices makes her roll her eyes and throw her hands up in frustration. The choices in Circle B make your teeth grind.

But the intersection of those two circles at the splendid Section C, that overlapping of your two worlds, that is where the magic happens. 

Section C is your friend. 

Section C consists of the choices you both love.

Section C is the magical realm of Everybody Wins, void of conflict and competition. 

Section C is where relationships are skirmish-free, and conflict goes to die. 

Section C saved my daughter and myself from many a temper tantrum. (And I don’t just mean hers!)

I LOVE Section C of This Parenting Tool!

I first realized I was going to need some kind of clothes-shopping strategy when my five-year-old began arguing over every outfit. She wanted ensembles that exposed her little round tummy. My mind fast-forwarded ten years, and I knew I was in trouble.

One day I was using the graphic in my classroom to teach comparing and contrasting opposing scientific theories. Suddenly it hit me. I could use that undervalued Venn Diagram to diffuse petty arguments when my Awesome Daughter didn’t buy into my opinion. Yes, the sublime Section C of the venerable Venn Diagram came to my rescue.

From that point forth, I always marched to the mall armed with Section C of a viable Venn Diagram. Shopping for clothes with my daughter instantly transformed into a fun and pleasurable experience for both of us.

Before we’d leave for the store, I’d orient us both by making two circles with my fingers, and holding them up so the circles overlapped. Voila! Instant Venn Diagram visual.

“This,” I’d say, waving around my right hand, “is what I love on you. This…” I’d shake my left hand in front of her nose, “is what you love on you.”

Overlapping the two circles, I would peer through the oval my fingers created at my daughter, that superb Section C. “And this is what we’re going to buy. You’re not going to argue with me, and I’m not going to argue with you, because everything in here will be something we both love.”

Moms Can Rock the Venn Diagram

This parenting tool always worked for me and my girl, but with three caveats.

1. She had to try on everything I suggested.

2. I had to permit her to try on anything she wanted to.

3. There was no arguing allowed because…

• We were both entitled to our opinions.

• Arguing wasted time for both of us.

“Arguing with an angry teenager is like trying to teach a pig to sing. The pig never learns how to sing; plus, you just end up annoying the pig.”

If my daughter started fussing about a garment I was nixing, I’d just hold up my fingers to form that sassy Section C and say, “Venn Diagram, sweetie, Venn Diagram. Remember, you’re going to love everything you bring home.”

She’d calm right down. Besides, whatever it was she had been pining for was forgotten by the time her purchases were displayed on her bed for Daddy to see. Yes, every time we shopped, we returned home with our bundles, individually satisfied that we had gotten our own way.

Here’s a free printable copy of the Valuable Venn Diagram.

Remember: building a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. Use it in good health! 

Send me an email Info@DeborahAnnDavis.com if you’d like a ton more ideas and strategies on bridging the gap between you and your kids.

Have questions? Contact Deborah today.

About the Author

Deborah Ann Davis (B.S. in Science Education, M.Ed. in Supervision, and W.I.T.S Personal Trainer Certified) is a parenting coach and strategist.

Whether you’re looking to bring more positivity into your life, or you’re ready to seek the advice of a Parenting Coach, she’s eager to help you put happiness back into parenting.

Deborah has helped hundreds of families over the years, using her experience as an educator and a mother. She has decades of experience dealing with teenagers – as a mother and an educator.

Learn how to improve your mother-daughter relationship today. Every minute you delay prolongs the isolation your child feels while disconnected from you. She’s waiting for you to figure it out, so why not skip the “trial and error” parenting route? 

Don’t forget to book your free Clarity Consult