From Frustration to Forgiveness: How to Bounce Back After a Parenting Blow-Up
I love it when someone asks me advice. For a parenting strategist with a blog named Merry Meddling, it’s like pouring gasoline on a fire.
An Awesome Mom’s Question
Sometimes I get so upset with my kids, I just scream at them. Then they look at me with those big worried eyes, and I feel so awful. What’s wrong with me? I must be a terrible mom. What should I do?
Time to Merrily Meddle
Hey, Moms, let me put the question to you. Do you ever get angry or upset with your kids?
Of course, you don’t!
After all, you are a balanced, well-adjusted mom who would never ever lose her temper… a mom who has been getting nine hours of sleep every night… a mom who is fully rested… a mom who is fully supported in her parenting… a mom who takes her self-care seriously, and a mom lucky enough to have children who have managed to skirt any of the typical growing pains. (You know. The Terrible Twos. The Middle School Drama. The Teenage Angst.)
Why on earth would you lose your temper when motherhood is so blatantly simple and perfect? Lose your temper?
No, not you!
Me, neither!
Just kidding…
We all lose it at some point. Why? Pick one:
- Because moms are overtired, overworked and underpaid. (Do you get a Motherhood Salary? Or, a day off? Didn’t think so.)
- We have too much on our plate.
- We are trying to be everything to everyone, and be everywhere all at one.
- We haven’t been taking good care of our physical self, or our mental health.
I remember one time, in particular, when I got sooo mad at my grade school daughter, that I…
I think I’ll share the story.
The entire altercation stemmed from me having to pick her up early from a birthday party. Believe me when I say, she was not happy about that at all!
I have to admit that part of my emotional reaction was due in part to rushing her out of there so I could make it to an appointment for myself. Part of me felt self-conscious about how selfish I must’ve appeared to the other moms. I mean, don’t we all want to look like we have it together, that we’re always in control, and that we are 100% supportive, loving parents, adored by our perpetually cooperative offspring?
I was definitely not that mom that day.
After what felt like 20 hours of arguing in front of the other moms and girls, I finally got her out the door. Oooh, I was so mad! As soon as that front door closed behind us, we pumped up the volume on our debate on the unfairness of life circumstances. Yeah, even louder, and even angrier, outside voices.
Consumed with embarrassment, I stormed around to the front of the car, dropped into the driver seat, and slammed my door, all the while, continuing a tirade guaranteed to bring the gods to their knees (and to outshout my cherub).
Upon hearing the back door slam shut, I shoved the car into gear, and drove off, still angrily barking away at my progeny. She, however, stopped answering and lapsed into silence.
No, no, no , no… No child of mine was going to give me the silent treatment. “Oh, so now you’re going to sulk and not answer?” I cried. “You listen to me, young lady. When I ask you a question, you answer it!”
More silence.
What?
I adjusted my rearview mirror so I could give her a double whammy of The Eyebrow and The Stare (I’m sure you’re familiar with The Look). But, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but… an empty back seat.
In my anger, I had driven off without my daughter! I had been yelling at an empty back seat. I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it.
I returned to the scene of the crime to find her standing in their driveway with her hands indignantly planted on her hips, and her mouth agape.
I can’t imagine how she felt. To make matters worse, there I was, her mother – who had driven off without her – laughing so hard, I was wiping away tears.
Jumping out of the car, I scooted around it, ignoring her, “That’s not funny, Mom!” to give her a big hug. Even though she pushed me away, I still couldn’t stop laughing.
She tried to maintain her anger, but couldn’t in the face of my roaring mirth. When I finally got control of myself, and explained what had happened, she graced me with a begrudging lopsided grin.
We got in the car, and I got her an apology treat on the way to my appointment. (Don’t judge.)
Powerful Parenting Strategies:
On the off chance that sometime in the future you could maybe possibly lose your temper with your little darling, prepare a plan for salvaging the relationship.
- Plan to apologize. Angry parents are scary parents.
- Figure out what triggers you, and how to avoid it.
- Be transparent. Explain the factors that created your reaction, and discuss how to head them off in the future.
- Reinforce too many times that YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD, NO MATTER WHAT.
Your cherished cherub needs to know there is absolutely nothing they can do to diminish your love.
Your love permanently exists, even when you’re mad, although it might not look like it.
Your unconditional love exists even when they’re mad at you, and even when they don’t look like they’re feeling very loving toward you.
Your eternal love exists even when they behave badly.
Your love is unconditional, even when you’re dishing out discipline/consequences for inappropriate behaviors.
You love them now, and forever, no matter what. Period.
That kind of confidence in you and your love will forge a very strong bond between you, the kind that withstands the test of time… and the occasional Mommy Tantrum.
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I’m always looking for more content to share with you. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
Mama, it’s time to hit reset.
The Mommy Reset: When You Ain’t Happy… Ain’t Nobody Happy! will help you reclaim your joy and find balance—no more guilt, no more overwhelm. I’ll guide you through simple steps to find joy, calm, and balance in your life—so you can show up as the mom you want to be.
Join the Reset for Just $47 (Original $97) while the offer lasts!
When mama’s in a good place, everything else falls into place.
More soon. Wishing you and yours health and happiness,
Deborah Ann Davis
Parenting Strategist Extraordinaire
About the Author
Hi There! And, Welcome!
I’m Deborah Ann Davis, and I’ve been at this for over three decades, first as a high school teacher, and now as a parenting strategist within The Awesome Mom Tribe. I’m into sharing tons of techniques that put you in touch with yourself, despite all that negative energy out there.
On a personal note, I’m all about bird-watching, rock-collecting, picture-taking and science-geeking. I have a wonderful husband and we have an incredible daughter (objectively speaking, of course). Basically, with all its ups and downs, I love my life!
The Secret to a Healthy Life: Laugh Every Day!
