Does is seem like your teen is thinking, “My relationship with my mom is falling apart” around report-card time?
How would you like a simple tool that will undo the emotional damage of report cards and grades? How about three tools?
Report Cards are misused and misinterpreted pretty much across the board. Most parents don’t recognize the harm inflicted because they were raised under the Report Card Reign.
Here’s the thing. As much as we’d like students to understand that report cards reflect progress, young children see grades as a reflection of whether their teachers like them or not. They don’t necessarily understand it’s a representation of what they accomplished.
Unfortunately, that view doesn’t always change as they get older.
And, as much as we’d like parents to view report cards as progress reports, parents see report cards as an indicator of how involved they should have been in their child’s schooling… almost like that C- in biology is actually a C- in parenting.
Low grades = low self esteem for kids
Low grades = low self esteem for parents
Sadly, self-esteem gets tangled up with grades. Those report cards can make your kids feel good about a high grade (that they don’t really understand how they got, so the teacher must really like them), or bad about themselves because they didn’t measure up, disappointing parents and teachers alike.
I’m putting together 3 techniques that will give you a fresh way to view grades and Report Cards – as tools at your disposal. Then, I’m going to teach you how to use this tool to maintain proper perspective about your kids’ grades. Finally, I’m going to teach you how to use this new perspective to positively impact how your KIDS see their grades, so they can use them as tools, too.
Here’s the great news. With this info, you’ll be able to use the summer to help your kids get their feet planted under them in time for a fresh start next year.
#1 – Tools At Your Disposal
Report Cards are tools, and nothing more. They provide information that you can harness for your child’s success and well-being, but first you have to be able to put things into perspective in order to do that consistently.
Grades reveal you your child’s areas of strength, and areas that need attention. They are not about whether your child is a good student or bad. It’s all about whether your cherub can navigate the classroom situation while trying to learn.
Low grades are merely flags that indicate changes need to be made. Once you, the teacher and your child figure out (as a team) how your child can successfully learn, things will improve.
When you learn to use Report Cards as tools, your kids will follow suit. That will be empowering for both of you!
#2 – Keeping Perspective
Report Cards are tools for analysis. They are not good or bad. They just are. Your perspective is adopted by your kids, and has longer lasting effects on them than a mere grade. If you see Report Cards as tools that provide information, so will your kids.
Even if you’re darlings are getting stellar grades, perspective is important. When you learn to objectively analyze grades instead of being emotionally jerked around by them, you can more easily figure out the next steps to benefit your kids. However, when you get emotional about Report Cards, you keep your kids in an emotional flux about their schoolwork, instead of focused on learning.
I highly recommend you read my earlier article, The Inner Game of Tennis before you continue here. It will help you handle the whole Report Card situation with a fresh perspective.
#3 – The Power of “Yet”
At some point, academia is going to overwhelm your kids. Something at some time will make them struggle. When that happens, they need perspective to help them through. You can give them a healthy perspective by sharing this:
No one hands a report card to the parent of a toddler and says, “Your child gets a B- in walking.”
No one tells a young child, “You get a C+ because you’re still using your training wheels.”
That’s because everyone knows that with practice children master those skills. Learning to walk and learning to ride a bike are universally recognized as processes that have to be learned over time.
So, instead, we encourage them wherever they are in the process. “You almost have it. You might not have it YET, but you will.”
How come we don’t look at education the same way? We should be telling our parents and students, “Your report card shows you haven’t mastered long division YET.”
“Yet” is so powerful. It puts perspective on how far you’ve progressed, and gives you encouragement to keep going. Parents who understand the power of “yet” say supportive things like…
“You almost have it. You might not have it yet, but you will.”
and…
“We’ll have time to get after that this summer. We’ll find a fun way to approach it.
You’re going to feel so confident going back to school next year!”
No one gives up when they believe in “yet.”
3 Empowering Techniques
Get a fresh start on the whole grade-thing starting today. Go ahead. Claim the power.
- Recognize Report Cards are merely a diagnostic tool, and not a representation of who your child is.
- Adjust your perspective from an emotional one to an objective one.
- Use the power of “yet” every chance you get, and encourage your kids to do the same.
That’s all you have to do. You got this!
Join my Talk To Teens 2021 series for more about this topic! Register here: https://www.parentweenconnection.com/Talk-About-Teens/
July 31 & August 1 – Rocking Back to School
October 23 & October 24 – First-Quarter Check-In
