The relationship with her mother is the most important female bond in a daughter’s life. She needs it because

  • children are too heavily influenced by media and young friends, especially if their relationship with their parents is strained or volatile. They need you to provide balance with the world.
  • your relationship with your daughter builds trust, and teaches her how to handle herself in other relationships.

A loving relationship built on trust is possible, even if your daughter’s behavior is starting to become difficult to handle. It’s important to find a solution early before the relationship spins out of control.

Here’s a quick outline for improving your relationship with your daughter by building her trust. FYI, everything here is addressed in depth in How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door with plenty of mother-daughter relationship activities to go through.

  1. Learn and practice conversation starters.
  2. Stock up on strategies for handling conflict.
  3. Make and keep rules and consequences.
  4. Increase your engagement with your daughter.
  5. Set aside time devoted to fun that you two spend together.
  6. Take some time out for you to keep yourself centered and balanced.

Step # 1 – Learn and practice conversation starters.

  • Prepare a list ahead of time.
  • Use the examples in “How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door” or make up your own.
  • Ask other moms how they engage their daughters.

Step # 2 – Stock up on strategies for handling conflict.

  • Have a plan in place before conflict arises.
  • Step Back and Come Back when the conversation gets heated.
  • Count to ten before answering.
  • Do Deep Breathing and the other Quick Fixes.
  • Model the behavior you want your child to employ.

Step # 3 – Make and keep rules and consequences.

  • Share rules and consequences with kids before they are needed.
  • Kids can discuss, but you own the Adult Role, so you make all decisions.
  • Enforce consequences when a line is crossed. 
  • Avoid disciplining out of anger. Wait until your distress decreases before discussing consequences. 
  • If rules need adjusting, change them after a proven period, and never at the start of something new (like a new school year).

Step # 4 – Increase engagement with your daughter. 

  • Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered yes or no.
  • Use magazine articles to start a conversation by asking her opinion.
  • Share stories of you and your mom with your daughter.

Step # 5 – Set aside time devoted to fun that you spend together.

  • Brainstorm ideas that can include others (family members, BFFs, neighbors).
  • Spend a girls-day together (nails, hair, make-up, shoes).
  • Plan a day trip with her BFF and the BFF’s mom to some unique event.
  • Spend a day cooking food together for the entire week with music you both like.

Step # 6 – Take some time out for you to keep yourself centered and balanced.

  • Read something positive, uplifting, exciting.
  • Meditate or listen to encouraging songs.
  • Go for a walk with your friends.
  • Move your body to upbeat music.
  • Take a long luxurious bath.

Hopefully, recognizing how basic these solutions are will encourage you to attempt them. Just make sure when you make changes that you tell your family ahead of time. Otherwise, they might freak out when things switch up out of nowhere.

For more info on relationship building with teenage girls, see the books, “How To Keep Your Daughter From Slamming the Door” and “How To Get Your Happy On.”

Feel free to contact me at info@DeborahAnnDavis.com if you’d like to discuss a particular situation. It takes a village.

Deborah

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